SONGS & POEMS | author

SONGS

I'M STILL THAT CHILD
(Professional Recording underway)

Lyrics By Jillian Moxham

Music by Paul Mathieson and Jillian Moxham

VERSE ONE; Bruised, battered & broken, blue or cold,

Misguided, guided, young or old,

It doesn't matter what I am -

Inside I'm still that child

CHORUS: I want to know that I matter

I want to know that you care

I want to know above all things

that I have nothing to fear

VERSE TWO; Bright, breezy or daring, flirtatious,

Entrepreneur or courageous

It doesn't matter what I am

Inside I'm still that child

CHORUS:

BRIDGE: So please don't judge me on what you see,

I may wear a mask - be a fantasy.
I may not know how to live my truth

cos inside I'm still that child.

CHORUS THEN REPEAT FIRST VERSE ENDING WITH REPEAT ON LAST LINE.

POEMS

RUNNING

(1st poem I ever wrote - in Rehab: The Island.)

For years I've run away from things - Running as if my body has wings

My hurt and despair way deep inside - searching and looking for a place to hide

I found escape in a bottle of booze - and thought "oh choice, I've nothing to lose."

So boots and all I jumped right in - and so began the war within.

My heart said "No! this can't be right - to black right out every night."

But my head took over and said "It feels good. To hell with doing what I should."

I lost myself for years and years - Not wanting to face my major fears

I became a person I grew to hate but God said "I love you, its not too late.

Go to The Island - a place of care.Away from your problems, drink and despair.

I know they will love you, for who you are,

and will give you support from near and afar."

My problems came with me, I soon found out

but I'm shown how to face them. I don't have to shout.

I'm learning to live another way. Another way - from day to day.

FINDING MYSELF

I came here to The Island and didn't know who I was.

Where I was going and what I was doing.

I was completely and totally lost.

I suffered every form of emotion and top of the list was fear

But with my counsellors help and support of staff-

It felt like home out here.

My family don't really like, the person I now am.

They think that I am wicked and I don't give a damn.

So I pray they'll come round to seeing that I love them 100 percent

And the intentions I have aren't evil, and for me are what God meant.

It makes me feel so very sad that I'm thought of in this way -

but I've found myself and I like it and I have that choice today.

Its been the hardest decision that I have ever made.

And if I look into the future, I do become very afraid.

So, I'm living in the present - even from hour to hour.

I know God's love is around me - he's going to look after this flower.

IN MEMORY OF A FORMER LOVER: WHISKEY

Tormented by my demons, I found love in a bottle.

I had no filter of control, so it was open throttle.

I drank for fun, I drank when sad, I drank - whatever the season.

I drank on birthdays, when I was ill or for any god-damned reason.

The trouble was my lover, couldn't fill the void I had.

And when he'd had enough of me, he turned on me real bad.

He made me sick, he made me secret, and he made me hate myself.

He stole my family, stole all trust and he also stole my wealth.

So a parting had to happen if I wanted to have a life.

If I wanted to be a good mother and if I wanted to be a good wife.

A threesome its not good, you see - especially if ones glass.

It sets you up for pain and sorrow and spins you on your arse.

THE CAGE

(A reflection of how I felt for many years)

I've been in a cage for so long, that the bars are now part of me.

If the cage had a door - I don't know that I'd leave.

cause I don't know how to be free.

If the cage had a door and someone said fly.

at first I'd consider them mad.

I'd say to them, "that's not why I was born,

I was born to be sorta sad."

You see . . . I kinda feel safe in the cage where I am,

I don't have to think for myself.

I just have to do what I'm told and be good,

Though at times its not good for my health.

I know if I left my cage I'd be scared,

Unsure of myself and alarmed.

I don't know how to live in a world

Where I'd feel so stripped an unarmed.

So I stay in the cage - the cage that I know,

The cage I think is my home

Its fear that binds me, holds me, keeps me,

from entering the great unknown.

WHERE IS LOVE

Broken, hurt and conflicted

I ask myself, where is love,

Is it in the life around me,

or do I get it from above.

I'm told I get it from above,

just honour God and pray,

Do as we say, and as we do,

Trust us - you'll be okay!

For years and years I followed this lead,

to find the evasive emotion,

but ended up, confusing the spirits

- the bottle became my devotion.

It held me prisoner. like my faith,

creating great distress,

Until I saw that I was the one

who had to climb out of the mess.

So I broke the links that kept me tethered,

that kept me from myself,

And I found the peace I'd always wanted,

and along with it good health.

I danced, I sang, I honoured life,

I loved, I climbed, I fell

And best of all I found my heaven

and not a man-made hell

I STAND ALONE

I stand alone - crying within,

I ask myself - what is my sin?

Why am I judged, excluded, shamed.

Considered wicked, considered maimed.

Isn't personal freedom - a God given right,

And religious freedom - a path - not a fight?

I want to break - break down the walls.

So I can answer, my hearts calls.

I want loved ones - the world to see.

That I am me - what that may be!

See whats not seen: my tears, my pains,

my barriers, hurdles, progress, gains.

I really am a miracle - I fly in my mind

I'm a free kind of spirit - I'm one of a kind.

LET ME BE ME

If flesh and blood make up my family, then why do my church fellows judge.

If I decide to take detour, and a lonely path doth trudge.

Maybe I want the world to see, or taste some different food,

Or there again I may just want to sit alone and brood

Is it not the request of my soul, to expand my vision and see,

what indeed makes up my existence and allows me the joy to be free.

Please let me be, please let me have choice

Let me go in search of myself and my voice

Don't hold me in bondage so I feel like I sink.

But allow me some space, so I hear myself think.

Jilly Moxham Author Singer Songwriter

I'M STILL THAT CHILD (Professional Recording underway)